Thursday, October 22, 2009

My Boobs are Functional

There is stuff in my boobs and it's coming out.


OH MY GGAAAWWWWWWWWDD ! Last after my shower I noticed my nipples looked weird and I started messing with them to see what was what. They've had this white stuff on the tips off and on for months now and I thought all along that my nipples were peeling skin because they were growing bigger. Snake nipples, brilliant.

Anyways this stuff really didn't look like skin and I had just read in the baby book that this is about the time that the nips might start to leak colostrum. So. I squeezed one.

And holy shit. HOLY SHIT OH MY GAAWWWDDD STUFF came out !!!


Listen, I know this is perfectly normal and natural and it was going to happen sometime - but it's never happened before, nothing has ever came out of my nipples and it's STRANGE ok? It just is. It's amazing and curious and wild all at the same time and all I can do is keep staring at myself. And squeezing more because I'm a freakin weirdo and it's fascinating.

I guess it's cool to know that they work. My boobs are functional.

Who knew there were so many holes by the way? Holy damn yo !

I came rocketing out of the bathroom and marched into the living room to loudly announce to my unsuspecting husband that THERE IS SHIT COMING OUT OF MY BOOBS. He turned around to look at me like "Whaaa???"

:P And then he wanted me to SHOW him and I turned all feet shuffle-y and shy and sat down and blushed like a teenager. I knew I couldn't say "no" and he's my husband and loves me and he should be able to share in this - SO - I sucked it up BIG TIME, blushed to the shade of purple, and showed him. *giggle* He thought it was cool.

I thought I was going to have to go into this big long drawn out conversation about how it's not actually milk yet but the colostrum stuff and explain for an hour what that meant - but he already knew. "OHhh yeah de colostrum! We use to eat dat from de goats."


"The goats."

"For real?" "The stuff that came before the baby goats were born? You ate it?"

"Yeah, eet was good."


"Oh." "Well that's cool."

Who freakin knew? At least we didn't have to have one of those translation/explanation conversations.

Did I mention there is stuff coming out of my boobs? How long do I get to be surprised by this anyways? I think for a first time mom it must be like the first time a pube-age-boy jacks it and has stuff come out of his wang. It's got to be a pretty big surprise right? Like "WOW look what I can do!" "What IS that??"

*snort* Who knows.


  1. LMAO!! You are too flipping funny!! I remember with my 1st born I was living in an apartment complex all fat and preggers. I had a favorite outfit that I wore until it disintegrated(I am not lying) It was a pink v-neck t-shirt and mens 2xl black and white polka dot boxers(ya, sexy, I KNOW but it was the only thing that fit my fat self that summer.) Anyhooooo, one day I was lounging my fat pregnant self on the couch watchin tv when the girl next door's newborn started wailing his little head off. All of a sudden out of nowhere, I felt the strangest feeling in my giant(at the time) boobies. I looked down and I had 2 big wet spots on shirt. I was mortified and had no idea what was going on UNTIL the baby kept screaming for the next month or so and it kept happenening. I had grown acustom to being in my favorite outfit, so hadn't noticed that there were hundreds of little drip stains ALL OVER the shirt UNTIL my neighbor pointed it out in our shared laundy room one day. I was horrified. My Mom took me out that afternoon to buy a nursing bra and breast pads..they became my best friend and often had them fall out of my purse onto the conveyor belt at the grocery store while writing a check. Nice conversation starter!! haha...I sooooo don't miss those days!!! I have had 4 kids and my boobs were like that with only my 1st one and this last might want to invest in some washable pads or at least some disposable ones if it gets bad. It will save you from embarrassing leakage and stains!!!! HAHAHA

  2. Gringa-Mexi - You are so cool, I've just got to get that out of the way. And FOR REAL??? I read about that in the baby book - how you'll just HEAR a baby cry and your boobs can go wild - and it for really happens? LOL I can't wait to hear a baby cry sometime soon :P I DO need to get some of those nursing bras and pads, I guess I better start now. :P Thank You for the cool comment :)

  3. Yeah, They work! Hey that colostrum is liquid GOLD! It will heal all aliments!

  4. Thanks, but I thing you are WAY cooler!! ;)~

    It's funny because I poured the darn stuff out ANYWHERE & ANYTIME a baby cried for months with my 1st son...with my youngest daughter, I went thru boxes of disposable pads. Now, those suckers aren't cheap and they don't stick fer shit to your bra, so I made my own cheap-ass white gurl ones with store brand panti-liners by cutting them in, PICTURE THAT ONE!! uh-huh, panti-liners on my titties!!! teeeheeeheeeee

    So, when are you due to pop that bambino out anyways?? Just wait til your boobies fill up with milk and you take a warm shower or bath....your boobies will be faucets!!!! It's soooo much fun-NOT.

  5. oops, I THINK-not thing...duh, see, you are!!!

  6. LOL Thanks for the graphic updates, You are really an entertaining writer and I love the fact you don't sugar coat nothing. You bring a smile to my day.

  7. Gringa-Mexi - If the boob pads are cheap then I'll be doing the same as you with the liners - that's a good idea! :)

    Yessica - Sugar Coat - that's what goes on doughnuts :P And your comment makes ME smile so call it even :)

  8. That's awesome! Just wait until your milk comes in and you can spray C. from across the room. Not that I have EVER done that.

    I have never been a leaker, but my boobs have gotten 'looser' with each baby . . . this time around they will let-down for anything (including other peoples kids and a stiff breeze.)

  9. Oh man... I had a stack of washable ones which firstly, I inherited from a friend and secondly, have passed on to a cousin... sounds gross but you just hot-wash 'em and presto, good as new.

    OK, here's the bad news. My son is 3 and once in a while stuff STILL comes out. It's like my dirty little secret.

    Er... perhaps not so secret any more... damn.