Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I'm Having a Cow

For 8.35 months I was pretty damn cool about this whole thing. Even though I'd never wanted kids and was shocked that I got knocked up - I've been cool (kinda) you know? Chino is so thrilled and my Mom happy how could I not get on the banwagon?

And then last week came, my doctor made a couple of stupid comments and I found myself laying down the next day feeling Daisy move and thinking to myself "OH MY GAWWWWWDD. THERE IS A BABY IN THERE AND SHE'S GOING TO COME OUT OF WHERE??? SHE'S HUGE!! SHHHHIIIIIIITTTTT!! AND THEN? And then I'm going to have a baby in my HOUSE and it's going to be MINE and I'm going to have to KEEP IT. KEEEEEEEP IT. Shit. Shit. Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit..." You get the point.

LOL I've heard of getting cold feet before getting married but I never expected to have a panic attack 2 weeks before my baby's due. I shat my pants for a few days and now luckily I'm back down to a simmer. Ok, a boil, but a low boil. I'm ok with the giving birth thing again but hot damn I'm going to have to take care of a teeny human and keep it alive somehow and did I mention KEEP IT. Like ALL THE TIME KEEP IT. What am I going to DO with her? I don't know what you do with babies! Like. Like what do you DO with them?! Hold her, feed her, change her, okkaaayyy but like. . . don't I have to entertain her or something? Like, won't she get bored and expect me to DO something to make her not bored? And if I suck at it and I'm not educational enough she could turn out stoopid right? I don't want to make a stoopid baby!

SHHHIIIT. Shit. And. Damn.

Just how many times can one play peek-a-boo and sing wheels-on-the-bus before one goes insane and their baby get's bored again? THEN WHAT!? (I'm not buying her Baby Einstien vidoes. (No offense, don't get pissed at me I just don't want to raise a t.v. baby)) BUT WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH HER!? Read books? Give her toys? When will I have time to do anything when I'm entertaining a little pooping human 24 hours a day?